No Ordinary Sling

After my shoulder surgery I didn't get just any sling. I got the ULTRA sling. Somewhere along the line, the people who dreamed up the ULTRA sling figured out that there was a way to improve the sling even though it was already an ULTRA sling. So I've got the ULTRASLING II which is in some way different (maybe even superior to) the plain old ordinary ULTRASLING.

Now I have to admit that this sling is much better than the ordinary sling they gave me when I first broke my collarbone. First of all it *fits*. My arm doesn't want to slide all the way into the sling, thereby changing the angle between my arm and my shoulder, painfully altering the level of support given by the sling. My arm can't slide back into the sling because my elbow is already all the way back in the sling. That doesn't seem to be enough to make it an ULTRA sling though. Maybe that's the feature that makes it the "II" although it seems unlikely since it's a pretty simple change that anybody could do.

Notice the little strap at the front of the sling? That baby can do at least two things. Yes, it's a multi-tasker. It can act as a thumb loop to keep your arm from sliding back in the sling, although that would be redundant if they gave you the right size sling in the first place. Or it can attach (it's got velcro, of course) right across the front like I've got it to seal the front of the sling and help prevent your arm from sliding back in the sling, which, as I pointed out earlier, is a painfully bad thing. That little strap may even be able to do more things that I haven't thought of yet, since I've tried my best to be in a beer induced alcoholic haze as much as possible throughout this nasty ordeal. Maybe that's the "II" feature?

Then there's the "shoulder strap" pad that fits adjustably (it slides back and forth and is held in place by, you guessed it, velcro) on your opposite shoulder and supports the weight of your useless arm as you try desperately to get your arm in a position that doesn't make your shoulder feel like someone is twisting a meat cleaver around in it. Could that be the "II" feature? It sure does make the sling more comfortable in a masochistic sort of way. I guess if you have to wear a sling you'd want an adjustable shoulder pad.

The last really cool feature of the ULTRASLING II is the padding on the inside of the sling. My "regular" sling (you know you're in trouble if you have a "regular" sling for everyday use and a "good" sling for those more formal occassions where comfort is of great importance) doesn't have any padding. It's just plain cloth held up by a simple ring that a strap with a velcro end on it goes through. The padding makes the sling comfy for those long days with your arm hanging uselessly in front of you. It must be the padding that makes the ULTRASLING II "ULTRA". Or it could be what makes it a "II". Just something to think about as you're laying around because you can't do anything with just one good arm.

So, I hope you never need a sling for any great length of time. But if you do, now you know to be sure you get at least an ULTRASLING and if you're really lucky, maybe even an ULTRASLING II. Who knows. They may even come out with an ULTRASLING III!

The Terrible Triathlete